stillarhino | inbox & overflow

[ The logical thing to do would be to message him first, to try and figure out where they could meet, but Aerith's making it a point to be out of the house today. She wants to see everyone she can, and there's one voice she just knows she needs to hear. ]

Heya. [ She finds him wherever she can, perhaps by chance, but it is her intention to find Beat. When she does, she's dressed in her pink dress and red jacket, which he hasn't had a chance to see her in. They met while she was wearing the blue pinafore for Dorothy's costume, and then she had been wearing a top and skirt the night of the... incident. ]

Miss me? [ She's smiling, holding out a basket of apples for him to take. It's more than one person needs, but she wasn't sure if he would want something else. For a woman who had been pinned own like a specimen for inspection days ago, she's up and moving and surprisingly cheerful. She tilts her head, still beaming. ]

This is for you. I picked them, they're very fresh. Take 'em.

[Beat hadn't seen Aerith since the night of the incident. It wasn't that he was avoiding her either, but it was only recently that he'd gotten back to leaving his home more regularly.

She finds him sitting on a bench by the plaza, his leg propped up on the seat. A notebook decorated with stickers lies open, pressed up against his leg, a half-done sketch drawn on the visible page. He looks mostly the same as that night at the cliffside, albeit in a different black hoodie. Though Beat didn't have his headphones, it didn't seem like he heard Aerith walk up.]

Hey.

[He looks up to her when she greets him and he can't help but stare at her for a moment. There were times at night when he would still see the image of her hanging up against that pillar in the cavern, and a pang of helplessness shot through him again. It was the same feeling he had felt that night after returning from searching for the necklace.

But he shakes his head, jarring himself back to the present... Should she be moving around like that already? Beat reaches for the basket, his eyes growing large upon realizing just how many apples were in here.]

These all seriously for me?

[ It's on the tip of her tongue to comment that he looks like he's seen a ghost. He's not Eustace, however, so she's not going to be that mean, instead, she just lets go of the basket and then settles onto the bench next to him, shoulder to shoulder. People watching seems like a good way to pass the time, but that's clearly not what he was doing. She looks, nosy as always, and then her gaze flits back up to Beat's face. ]

Yep, all for you. It's thanks, y'know, for everything.

[ She's sure it was hard, still, coming back to all that carnage. She's almost thankful she wasn't awake to see the reactions; Eustace is already being put through the wringer, she's sure. ]

I was thinking today... I had to get out and see people. So, tell me something. What have you been up to?

[ Just keep talking, Beat. That's all she wants. ]

[Before he knows it, Aerith has already sat by his side. He isn't bothered by her immediate closeness to him, but the frown that appears on his face might tell her otherwise.]

Thanks? But I didn't really do much, yo.

[This wasn't the first time that he felt useless around Aerith, the first time being when he was still mostly straw then flesh and blood, then again on the night at the cliffs. If only he and Phantom had been faster, if only he hadn't hallucinated whatever it was he saw back then, maybe they could've prevented everyone else from getting hurt. After everything he saw, it was hard not to beat himself up over it. Compared to what they went through, he felt that his own injuries paled in comparison.]

I guess I've been tryin' to keep my mind off a' that night. Workin' on getting a skateboard together an' designing decks for 'em.

[His gaze falls onto the page he was working on: a large shadowy figure with a long snout and its fur standing on end. Only those who were there that night would know exactly what he had drawn.]

[ The frown definitely leaves her curious, but more than anything, she thinks it's hiding way more than it seems. Leaning forward, she looks up at him, long braid spilling out and over her shoulder. ]

But you did.

[ Aerith speaks animatedly as she challenges him, expression sincere. ] Without you and Phantom, I think we would have all been toast.

[ The skateboard thing is noted, of course. Her gaze lingers on the page for a moment, staying there for what feels like hours. She breathes even and slow, relaxed for someone who went through it all, too, relaxed for someone who could have easily died. Maybe she'll ask around; he deserves a little pick-me-up. ]

You know—

[ How does she say this? Plainly, she supposes. Aerith has never hid her emotions. ]

I'm glad. That you were there.

[It's hard to avoid her gaze when she leans forward to meet his, and he can't deny the honesty in her voice either.

Beat scoffs lightly at that, looking away from her as a faint redness begins coloring his cheeks. It wasn't often that he got any kind of validation, especially from people who were older than him.]

Thanks, I guess.

[He rubs the back of his neck feeling a little sheepish about what Aerith had said.]

I jus' feel like I coulda helped more if I stayed you know? I think Kitty Boy woulda gotten the necklace an' made it back aight without me.

[ If that's the most he can muster right now, she'll let it happen. Smiling, she settles back in, satisfied by that much alone. ]

Maybe.

[ It's hard to say. Aerith won't deny him this, treating his concerns and thoughts with the gravity they deserve. There's no sense arguing against or for what he says, you see. They could go in circles. ] Who's to say? Nobody blames you, you know. How could any of us? You came back. That's all that matters.

Didn't think they did.

[And that was the truth. No one has said anything about them blaming him for doing what he did, but a part of him still blamed himself for not being able to help the others. The only one who probably thought that was was himself. The nightmare he had soon after only helped accentuate that feeling of inadequacy he'd already been fighting with even more.]

Seein' everyone so messed up after jus'... really stuck with me I guess.

[He had his head lowered as he spoke, but he peeks out from behind the fringe of his hair to look back at Aerith. She was the only one he had seen up close, making it so the image of her remained so vividly in his mind. He hadn't known what to do then, but knowing that Eustace had done that, even if he wasn't in the right mind, made Beat's blood boil at the moment.]

Jus' wish I coulda done more for y'all, you know?

[ Letting him speak is hard for her. The truth is, she understands well. There is a throbbing sense of uselessness that ebbs and flows without warning inside of her, the sensation that she did poorly by the group or even damned them. They had staved Eustace off for Phantom and Beat’s arrival, but they had lived seeing the damage and knew the pain of picking up the pieces. She looks down at her body, whole now, and thinks about the ring-shaped scar where Eustace had stabbed her. Beat had seen that in her— idly, she wonders if she comes up in his nightmares now.

Aerith shakes her head. ]

I know.

[ For a long moment, she says nothing. The fountain rushes water and she thinks about her dream, of falling backwards into the water, into the flower, watching Tifa’s smile grow smaller and smaller. Had that Tifa pushed her into the water? She can’t remember now. She thinks the real one would have hesitated, though, and so her gaze falls onto the brick pathway that’s been splattered with fountain water and she holds her tongue. The moment passes. Her thoughts don’t. ]

What would you have done?

Edited 2022-09-17 03:28 (UTC)

[The silence that follows is deafening and Beat shifts in his seat, idly working on the sketch once again. He wants to say something to break the tension but he doesn't know how to fill the dead air between them either.

When he does open his mouth, Aerith poses him with the question, and he finds his staring at her with his mouth wide open.]

...I—

[Would be have gone faster? Would he have opted to stay to help distract Eustace where he could? Would that have even made a difference?

He hadn't spoken to anyone about what had happened at the cliffs, at least not yet. Phantom had gotten a glimpse of the nightmare energy taking a hold of him, giving him hallucinations. If he had been just a little strong, less susceptible to what he had seen, maybe the situation back in the wouldn't have become as dire as they had found it.

His closes his mouth and presses his lips together into a thin line before he opens them once more.]

Probably woulda tried to get back faster... and not get distracted by other shit. [Maybe distracted wasn't the right word to use but that's what he felt happened.] I mean, least I could done was something 'sides tellin' Idris to watch over ya.

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