stillarhino | inbox & overflow

[It's hard to avoid her gaze when she leans forward to meet his, and he can't deny the honesty in her voice either.

Beat scoffs lightly at that, looking away from her as a faint redness begins coloring his cheeks. It wasn't often that he got any kind of validation, especially from people who were older than him.]

Thanks, I guess.

[He rubs the back of his neck feeling a little sheepish about what Aerith had said.]

I jus' feel like I coulda helped more if I stayed you know? I think Kitty Boy woulda gotten the necklace an' made it back aight without me.

[ If that's the most he can muster right now, she'll let it happen. Smiling, she settles back in, satisfied by that much alone. ]

Maybe.

[ It's hard to say. Aerith won't deny him this, treating his concerns and thoughts with the gravity they deserve. There's no sense arguing against or for what he says, you see. They could go in circles. ] Who's to say? Nobody blames you, you know. How could any of us? You came back. That's all that matters.

Didn't think they did.

[And that was the truth. No one has said anything about them blaming him for doing what he did, but a part of him still blamed himself for not being able to help the others. The only one who probably thought that was was himself. The nightmare he had soon after only helped accentuate that feeling of inadequacy he'd already been fighting with even more.]

Seein' everyone so messed up after jus'... really stuck with me I guess.

[He had his head lowered as he spoke, but he peeks out from behind the fringe of his hair to look back at Aerith. She was the only one he had seen up close, making it so the image of her remained so vividly in his mind. He hadn't known what to do then, but knowing that Eustace had done that, even if he wasn't in the right mind, made Beat's blood boil at the moment.]

Jus' wish I coulda done more for y'all, you know?

[ Letting him speak is hard for her. The truth is, she understands well. There is a throbbing sense of uselessness that ebbs and flows without warning inside of her, the sensation that she did poorly by the group or even damned them. They had staved Eustace off for Phantom and Beat’s arrival, but they had lived seeing the damage and knew the pain of picking up the pieces. She looks down at her body, whole now, and thinks about the ring-shaped scar where Eustace had stabbed her. Beat had seen that in her— idly, she wonders if she comes up in his nightmares now.

Aerith shakes her head. ]

I know.

[ For a long moment, she says nothing. The fountain rushes water and she thinks about her dream, of falling backwards into the water, into the flower, watching Tifa’s smile grow smaller and smaller. Had that Tifa pushed her into the water? She can’t remember now. She thinks the real one would have hesitated, though, and so her gaze falls onto the brick pathway that’s been splattered with fountain water and she holds her tongue. The moment passes. Her thoughts don’t. ]

What would you have done?

Edited 2022-09-17 03:28 (UTC)

[The silence that follows is deafening and Beat shifts in his seat, idly working on the sketch once again. He wants to say something to break the tension but he doesn't know how to fill the dead air between them either.

When he does open his mouth, Aerith poses him with the question, and he finds his staring at her with his mouth wide open.]

...I—

[Would be have gone faster? Would he have opted to stay to help distract Eustace where he could? Would that have even made a difference?

He hadn't spoken to anyone about what had happened at the cliffs, at least not yet. Phantom had gotten a glimpse of the nightmare energy taking a hold of him, giving him hallucinations. If he had been just a little strong, less susceptible to what he had seen, maybe the situation back in the wouldn't have become as dire as they had found it.

His closes his mouth and presses his lips together into a thin line before he opens them once more.]

Probably woulda tried to get back faster... and not get distracted by other shit. [Maybe distracted wasn't the right word to use but that's what he felt happened.] I mean, least I could done was something 'sides tellin' Idris to watch over ya.

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