stillarhino | inbox & overflow

[She's right, he's avoiding it because he didn't want to make her sad. He'd been worried about her when they were actually there. When she was actually shedding tears as he lay hurt on the ground. It isn't something he wants to push her into talking about, but if she is sure, he'll take the opportunity.

But the question is where does he begin? What does he ask?

For a few moments, he's quiet, moving his arm and shifting his weight as Futaba gets to work removing the bandages around him. Finally, he asks, his voice low.]

What was that? How's she supposed to be your mom?

[He's not sure if that was the right one to ask, but he might as well get the address the elephant in the room.]

[Well, it was a question, so...

Futaba's quiet while she changes out the bandage on his arm, making sure it's not too loose, but not too tight once she starts wrapping him back up.]

I know I told you about the Phantom Thieves and going into Palaces and stuff— like dreamwalking here, but it's a little more complicated, but I won't bore you with the psyche psience stuff. But I gotta explain the Palaces part, because that's important. When enough negative emotions welled up in someone like greed or whatever, it'd create a big ol' Palace in the Metaverse— the dream thing. Most everyone we went up against before and after I was recruited were bad people, but... I was one of them too. N-not because I wanted to kill people or was greedy though!

[Just throwing that out there.]

It was before, even before I was still a shut in. Mom was a scientist, and she was doing cognitive psience. Er, in layman's terms, stuff that goes on in your subconscious, which is why it's easiest to describe it as dreams for you without getting too much into it. [She knows Beat, saying it's like dreams is like one big ELI5 for him.] Anyway, mom's research ended up getting stolen by that asshole Shido, but... if you kill someone in the Metaverse, their 'shadow' or whatever, they go crazy in the real world and end up really hurt or worse.

[She pauses as she finishes wrapping up his arm, and continues on to the tape on his ribs, peeling carefully.]

Well, they did that to my mom. She treated me well and all, I really loved her. But after they got to her... [This is probably the only thing she's still sad about, but it still makes her mad as well, so her face is a mixture of emotions.] she threw herself into traffic when she was walking with me. Her note was fabricated and I was blamed for her doing that in it, saying I was too demanding and too selfish, she couldn't deal with me. It's why I was a shut in, cause I was hearing and seeing things after that. My uncle treated me pretty badly before Sojiro took me in, but he didn't know what to do with me either. So I had a Palace too, and my mom, that sphynx monster, was the keeper.

[Once the tape was off, another fresh round starts going on.]

So she was quite literally right out of my nightmares. She yelled like that in my hallucinations and then at the top of my Palace. [She looks up to him with a complicated grin; not unhappy but not exactly excited, either.] A subconscious is weird. My Palace was a 'tomb', an old Egyptian pyramid with plenty of the same decorations, just... updated. With air conditioning. Brains are weird.

[That's the most important (not really) part, but don't ask questions about that.]

[Beat is quiet the entire time Futaba talks, listening to her and trying to keep up with her explanation. She had told him about the people she and her friends fought against and about how they used to steal their hearts. But this is the first time he hears that they had to do something similar to her as well.

And this all happened because of what happened with her mom.

Even if he didn't have a great relationship with his own parents, he knew others who got along with theirs. Ones who really loved their parents and got along with them. When he was younger, he used to envy those people, wishing that he had what they did, wanting to experience some semblance of how his parents used to care for him when he was even younger. Back to the point before he began screwing up.

Now that he was older, he had learned to accept that might not have been in the cards for him. That his parents just may not understand how he functions and what his needs actually are. There were times he still yearned for acceptance from them but he'd mostly learned to ignore it, just like they ignored him for the most part.

So when he hears someone talking about their relationship with their own parents, he's figured out how to set aside his own experiences with his so he could be happy for them. The way Futaba talks so fondly about her mom, Beat could practically feel that she truly, deeply loved her. And he only imagined that her mom loved her just as much.

Hearing what had happened to her and what Futaba had to go through because of it breaks his heart. That creature that had attacked her, attacked both of them, spitting out horrible comments about Futaba had been a distortion of her perception of her mother. All because of some greedy asshole.

Subconsciously, his hand moves to hers, reaching to wrap around her wrist as she works on his bandages, stopping her from her ministrations. Then, in a similar fashion to a few days ago, he pulls her closer to him until he's able to wrap his arms around her. His injuries ache in protest but Beat didn't care, not right now. He squeezes Futaba tightly, settling his chin on her shoulder as he whispers into her ear.]

I'm so sorry, Shorty. I had no idea.

[It's all he can say in the moment, just wanting her to know that he was around, that he was there for her for whatever she might need.]

Edited (TYPOS MY NEMESIS) 2023-08-28 07:59 (UTC)

[When beat stops her from starting on more bandaging around him, she's not sure why. Did she hurt him? It's not until he pulls her into a hug that she understands. It still hurts, sure, it always would. She's still a little awkward with hugs or whatnot, but after a moment she pats his back and wraps her arms around him as well, lightly as to not disturb his injuries further.]

It's all right now. I was in a pretty bad place when I asked the Phantom Thieves to steal my heart to fix me. I'm loads better now, I promise. I know who killed my mom, and he's in jail now. His hitman... well, he's here, but he didn't really have a choice either to work for Shido. He used a lot of people, including a kid. Akechi's still an asshole, but we talked it out at least. Shido used him, and made him do shitty things that he regrets now. He even did the same to Akechi as he did to my mom and Haru's dad, so... you know. Don't be mad at him or anything.

[Just... making sure that it's know that yeah, things are all right with Akechi now. She understands him a bit more, and the fact that Shido did the same to him as he did to her mom... that was even worse.]

[When she says she's all right, he holds onto her for just a little longer before finally letting go, giving her as much space as she might need. His hand moves, lingering on her arm for just a little longer before he drops it back onto his lap. Even if he wanted to hold on for a little longer, he didn't want to suffocate her either.

The name rings a bell. He hadn't met Akechi in person yet but he'd seen and written to him over the journals maybe once or twice. Knowing that he had a hand in the death of Futaba's mom leaves a bad taste in his mouth. But if she was going to vouch for him, Beat knew that he would have to hold back around him.

He may not know the whole story but if he was a victim too, Beat shouldn't hold what he had in the past against him.]

I'mma try not to. If you say he's aight... then he's aight by me too. [A pause.] But if he messes with ya, you better tell me, aight?

[Okay, so maybe he might be a little overprotective.

He glances down at his hands for a quick moment before looking up, slowly meeting Futaba's gaze.]

Thanks for tellin' me, yo. For trustin' me.

[She grins some when he mentions to tell him if Akechi does anything to her... she appreciates that.]

Man, now I got some added muscle if he tries anything stupid! I don't think he will, but... well, between your brawn and my brains, I don't think he'll do anything too stupid.

[Akechi also had the brains, so the most he'd do is... probably try to do the "I'm smarter than you" to poor Beat. Which, of course, was unacceptable! She wouldn't tease him with any malice like that, of course, but she appreciates it all the same.

When he looks away but then back up to her, ah... that was cute. Futaba smiles back at him, and... do boys like headpats? Do her VNs lie to her? SHE HAS NO IDEA, but she'll just.. reach out and pat the top of his head for a moment, smoothing out his hair a little.]

Why wouldn't I trust you? You've been looking out for me from day one, right? You deserved to know, too. I didn't want you to think my mom was terrible because of whatever hallucinations I had nightmares about a while ago decided to show up here. You've just unlocked the 'Forbidden Futaba Lore' route, is all.

[There is a bit of a surprise when she starts patting her head, and the confusion shows on his face... But he doesn't pull away as she does it either. It certainly wasn't a bad thing. In fact, it felt kind of nice. Beat laughs, smiling back at her as she does it.]

Heh, I like the sound a' that. Kinda makes us some kinda dream team, don't it?

[It's not instantaneous that he realizes that what he says could be taken another way, but when it does dawn on him, a light blush spreads across his cheeks. Before, he might've looked away in embarrassment, but he didn't shift or look away from Futaba.

Not this time.]

I dunno what lore is but if it is what I think it is, then I'm just glad she wasn't like that to you back home.

[He knew all too well how it felt to have parents who didn't care for you. Maybe even resented you as their child. Beat wouldn't wish that on anyone. And he felt he should return the trust in kind.]

My 'rents... they was kinda like how your mom was when we was fighting her. They was always gettin' up on my grill, I was always pissin' them off. Ran away from home a coupla times 'cause of it.

[Futaba had seen the dream before, hadn't she? Of some fantasy that only existed in his mind. It was hard to admit that he still wished that at times. Even if he doesn't look away, his leg starts to shake, bouncing up and down, foot against the ground as he spoke.]

So I thought it was like that for you, too. And that shit is jus' messed up, you know?

Ah... y-yeah, it does, hehe...

[She likes the sound of that, even if it may have not been what he meant. And hey, the headpats: success. She's going to remember that... for reasons.]

You know, backstory like in a video game! You find out about tragic or silly backstory of like, your party rogue or paladin or something!

[...is Beat even a gamer— DOES HE EVEN HAVE GAMES ON HIS PHONE??

Her wondering about that pauses as he tells her about his own home life, and she frowns some when he mentions his parents... not being all that great.]

Is it the super stereotypical 'if you aren't adhering to how it is, you're wrong'? Hammer down the nail that sticks out, all that? I guess I was pretty lucky, I only thought Mom hated me for what happened after hearing the fake note, but...

[She's quiet for a moment, wondering. Parents don't usually just hate their kids, right?]

I don't think they hate you or anything. I mean, I dunno them but... I can't imagine they do. You just... don't want to be what they want, right? It's okay to be you, Beat., no matter what anyone else says. I like you better being the bad boy type, being any different would just be... weird.

[...can she imagine him being like Yusuke? Oh, no, that's a weird mental image, maybe not.]

Still sucks that you thought that, yo. That kinda shit can really mess with ya.

[He mulls that over for a second. After a sigh, he shakes his head and changes his tone, a bright smile plastered onto his face. It's no use thinking about something like that if you don't plan on getting back up.]

But I'm glad your mom ain't like that. Bet she'd be real proud to see her girl being one helluva baddie too, yo.

[Hell, even he's proud of her. She almost went noctaere on him but she was able to pull herself back with a little help.

While his smile persists, it dims slightly thinking about his parents once more. It's not something he would talk about to just anyone but he's known Futaba for long enough that he feels at ease around her. And it wasn't just because he liked her... Maybe it was time for him to dish out some lore.]

I don't think they did either. Hate me. But they didn't really care. Leas'... the stopped carin' when I did too 'cause that was the only way I could get 'em off my back.

[His eyes shift, looking down at his hand, not realizing how he was tugging at the fabric of his pants—a nervous tic of his. A scoff leaves his mouth, not looking back up, but appreciating the validation coming from Futaba.]

Yeah, I know that now. That it's aight to do what I wanna do and be who I wanna me. I ain't changin' who I am. Not for my 'rents, not for anyone, yo.

Ahaha, a baddie, huh? I think she'd be proud that I was protecting her research from jerk adults who wanted it to use to rule the world or whatever, so I'll take it.

[Considering she isn't a fighter, that was... a pretty big complement for her!

When his smile fades some, she notices almost immediately. She's serious when Beat starts telling her about his parents. They sounded really strict... most definitely the kind of parents that wanted him to be a certain way and he just wasn't.]

You shouldn't. I'll bet they'll come around eventually! They should be proud of you too, that's what I think. And it's not like you don't care, you obviously do. You just don't care about what they think of you, but you care about people. You cared enough about me to make sure I didn't fly away in that crazy wind when we met, and we didn't even know each other. Same with at Christmas and you found me freaking out.

[There's a pause and she looks away from him for a moment, fiddling with the hem of her shirt.]

It's part of why I like you.

[A small gasp leaves his mouth when she says that, causing him to crane his neck back up to look at her. He catches her looking embarrassed, unable to look him in the eye as she fiddles with her shirt. For a moment, he studies her, and a thought comes to his mind:

Ah, she's really cute...

Soon, Beat could not stop the small lopsided smile that begins to creep onto his face. His cheeks grow warm as a blush spreads across them. Even if they had admitted that they liked each other before, hearing again made him feel warm inside.

It was nice, even if it did make him feel sheepish.

He lets out an embarrassed chuckle, keeping his eyes trained on her.]

No way I'mma jus' leave ya hangin', Shorty. Didn't plan to when we first met an' ain't no way I'mma plannin' to now.

[Eventually Futaba glances back at him, the look on his face catching her eye easily. For as he was thinking she was cute, she's thinking the same of him. This wasn't something she was used to, but Beat probably isn't either.]

Y-yeah, of course not... you're too nice for that, like I said. You seemed kinda gruff and... I dunno, intimidating? When I first met you, but now you're like... one of those giant fluffy dogs.

[Not a teddy bear, that's weird, but a happy, friendly, fluffy dog? Yeah, that works.]

You always look out for me, so I wanna do the same for you too, Bones. I can't fight but... I still wanna do my best for you.

[There's a moment of quiet from her before she grabs her head and kicks her feet some.]

Ughhh this is so... so...! [She's embarassed. :)]

Edited (html AND spelling, god it's the worst wombo combo) 2023-10-17 10:01 (UTC)

[It definitely wasn't something he was used to. Having this much attention on him wasn't something he could've ever dreamed of. Yet somehow, that was exactly what was happening, and from a cute girl nonetheless.

He watches her, seeing her flail about in frustration. Beat laughs at that, leaning his cheek against the palm of his hand, his arm resting against the couch.]

I think I getcha. [His voice lowers, the blush from earlier deepening, his face growing hotter.] 'Cause I wanna do that for ya too.

[Despite his embarrassment, he keeps his eyes trained on her, shifting in his seat to move closer to Futaba. There is still enough space between the two of them, remaining conscious about not crowding her.

But all he could think about was how much he wanted to kiss her.]

Hey, Shorty?

[Hearing the confirmation that he wanted to watch out for her too... that felt nice. It was different than when someone like Ren or Ann or Yusuke said it. They were important, yes, but this was... different. The butterflies that she felt even before when the slugs caught them were coming back, but this time it wasn't because of any external source, just the two of them.

Despite his trying not to crowd her, Futaba is very aware of how close he is now, though she doesn't move away. She notices he's not terribly close, just close enough. So far, she hasn't moved to look at him again, not until she feels the heat in her cheeks (and the butterflies in her stomach) subside some, but now with Beat so close... that's going to be hard.

It takes her a moment to try to compose herself, though the signs of a faint blush are still there when Futaba finally turns slightly to him to face him.]

Y-yeah? Wh-what is it, Bones?

[Now with Futaba looking right at him, Beat's eyes dart from hers to her mouth, lingering for a moment before holding her gaze again. Screw it.

The intrusive thoughts won and he would deal with the consequences later, whatever they may be. Without so much of a second thought, he leans in, closing the gap between them and pressing his lips against Futaba for a kiss.

For a moment he's brought back to the first time they'd kissed, months ago at this point, and he couldn't help but wonder if it had felt as good as this did now. Her lips were softer than he remembered and it only made him want her even more. Moving closer, his hands cup either side of her face, his thumb lightly caressing her cheek, as he deepens the kiss, not wanting this moment to end.

But eventually, he does break away, momentarily out of breath as he pulls back. His hands stay in place on her face and Beat looks Futaba right in the eye, unable to form a single coherent thought, let alone form a single word.

However, that kiss confirmed something for Beat. He wanted to do that again with Futaba.

And again. And again. And again.]

[There's a moment of confusion when he doesn't follow up with words after he speaks to her, but when he leans in toward her, Futaba doesn't flinch or move away. She has a feeling she knows what he's doing, and when his lips press against her own, the guess was right.

A shiver runs up her spine as she returns Beat's kiss, and while he pulls her in to deepen it, being mindful of his wounds, she leans against him some, caught up in the moment, hands on either side of him to keep balance but to make sure this doesn't hurt him. Would he even feel it right now? Maybe not, but she didn't want him feeling it later, either!

One Beat breaks away, Futaba's own eyes meet his, and while she's in the same state... a smile forms, shy but accepting of it all. That likely said more than any words she could actually speak to him in this moment.]

[The smile that creeps onto her face was enough to allow Beat to let out a deep breath, one that he didn't even realize he was holding in. A small smile of his own begins to form on his face as he sheepishly bites at his bottom lip.]

Sorry, I didn't ask this time.

[Not that she had seemed to mind.

But he leans in again, nose lightly bumping hers before he takes her lips in his once more. The kiss is gentler than the first, slow and soft, careful not to overwhelm her. Beat could practically feel his heart beating loudly against his chest, but he didn't let that distract him from this moment.

When he breaks away, he leans his forehead against Futaba's.]

An' for that one too...

No, i-it's... i-it's fine!

[It wasn't unwelcome! It was fine, she liked it. She likes him. She trusts Beat, and if she had said she'd had enough after, she knows that he would respect it. But she hasn't said that yet, she doesn't want to stop just yet, but she won't press it, either.

In fact, she didn't have to, since Beat leaned in again, and Futaba didn't put up a fuss about it now, either. In fact, once he leans in, she does the same to meet him. The sound of his heartbeat is just as loud as her own, quick and excited. When Beat leans back and apologizes for the second, she grins and leans in to give a quick but soft kiss to him in response.]

There. we're even now.

[While the first kiss had been on pure impulse, the second had also been to tease her. So when she kisses him again, he's taken by surprise. Not that he disliked it. Not at all.]

Whatchu mean we even? Pretty sure I kissed ya twice.

[Beat chuckles lightly. Despite the surprise, the mere fact that Futaba initated it, together with the look she gave him after he kissed her, was telling.

He was worried that she wasn't ready for something like that. Neither of them really talked about it much since Valentine's. He found himself dancing around the topic, making eyes at her when he thought she wasn't looking. But what had just happened gave him the courage he needed to say what he wanted to next.]

Look, Shorty... You're here sayin' I'm a good guy when I ain't been fair with ya. [A beat.] I said I was gonna figure things out and I took a helluva long time tryin' to do that.

But I really wanna hang out with you more, just doing stuff with you. I wanna know more about you, and your mom, and your friends. I wanna be with you!

[He's rambling. He knows he's rambling but he can't get himself to stop, saying anything and everything that comes to mind. One of his hands move to scratch the back of his head and he grumbles.]

What I'm tryin' to say is... [Augh. Why is this so hard?] I mean, pretty sure I...

[Slowly, he brings his hands together, looking down at them as he takes the fabric of his pants once more, keeping them busy as he tries to power through his thoughts. Then he looks back up, past his blond bangs, at Futaba. His lips curl in a nervous but hopeful smirk, lopsided as always.]

I really want ya to be my girlfriend.

[WELL.... if he wanted more...

But before she can commit to giving him a second kiss, he starts talking. It wouldn't do to distract him, and she knows the importance of listening. This seems important to him, so she wants to listen to him, help him.

She frowns when he says he hadn't been fair with her— even if he said that, she knows he's fine (in more ways than one) and that he wasn't just stringing her along purposefully. There's much she wants to say as he continues, but.. it's better to listen now. She can wait it out. When he exclaims that he wants to with her, she startles. Her? Really?]

[As he calms his nerves and continues, though, her shock turns into a small smile, slowly growing. It drops more in surprise when he says his final words, but comes back again before Futaba leans in to put her forehead on his shoulder. Shy, yes, but she can't look at him just yet.]

I'm kinda difficult to deal with sometimes, but... I'll try my best not to be too difficult, if you still wanna... you know.

[Aaah. She can't even say it.]

But y-yeah... I really like you too, Bones. So of course I'm not going to say no, and... you're still a good guy, don't say you aren't. But I guess... that means you're my good guy, huh?

[Futaba's hair brushing against his bare skin tickles him, making him self-conscious about his state of undress. But this time it's his turn to listen to Futaba, in bated breath for her response.

It's cute that she can't even say it. He's been thinking that a lot, hasn't he? But his smile widens when she admits her feelings for him once more. Leaning to his side, his head rests against hers.]

Wouldn't have asked if I thought you was gonna be trouble, yo. 'Sides, you're worth the trouble.

[Sometimes even the bad intrusive thoughts win out and he can't helo but be self-deprecating at times. But he can at least try for her. Maybe not now, but eventually.

As much as he wants to see her face, he wasn't going it force it. For now, the both of them can just enjoy this.]

Your guy, huh? I like the sound a' that.

[She hardly notices the fact that he's been, y'know, shirtless, mostly. He's all bandaged up so it's not entirely registering... but it will once this passes, most likely.

The sensation of him leaning against her too is... nice. It's not invasive, not too much, just... nice. She could stay like this for a while, if given the chance. His words, however, really made her happy: she was worth it. She knew how difficult she could be, and how she was slowly readjusting to life around people made that a little harder, but... that didn't matter. She mattered to Beat, she was worth it to him, and that's what mattered most to her.]

I'll try not to be too insufferable. I listen pretty well, so just... tell me if I need to not be.

[Hearing him repeat her words back... aah. The butterflies came back in full force. He doesn't get a verbal reply, just a nod. It's enthusiastic, at least! It takes a bit, but Futaba finally speaks up.]

I-I guess... y-yeah... b-but you'll be, uh... m-my first, so...

Yo, you ain't imsufferble, aight? If I can't beat myself up, you can't do none a' that either, aight?

[Even if he doesn't see it, he could feel her head nodding, rubbing against his own and his shoulder. Beat gets that she's shy about the whole thing, but he nevertheless finds it endearing. Especially after seeing how she can be when she was excited or feeling mischievous. It was a stark contrast, but it was still a part of who Futaba was. And he had meant it when he said he wanted to know her more.]

Had a feeling I was gonna be. 'Cause I was your first kiss an' all.

[Before long, his hand makes its way onto the top of her head, fingers threading through her hair as he lightly pets her head, similar to what she had done earlier.]

But you's checkin' a lotta firsts for me too. [A light shake of his head.] Ain't had more than a coupla crushes before. So you an' me's the same there.

inbox & overflow | songerein

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cw for suicide and trauma and all that happy jazz from p5

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1/2

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